Thursday, April 29, 2010
So what do I do now? NS wont grant me deferment(its already been 9 days waiting),and my good old dad thinks I'm fucking lazy because I want to do a private diploma part-time in NS. He thinks I'm taking the easy way out.
Well maybe I am. Because I feel like a fucking idiot repeating my O levels for the goddam fourth time. Because everytime I look at my freaking textbooks and work, I resent myself because I feel like a failure that simply cant move on from this O level shit.When all my classmates ask me why am I repeating my steps,I ask myself FUCKING WHY TOO?
Seriously,I feel like some loser who simply is stuck here and there. My dad is taking out over 3k just for me to re-take my O's. You think I dont appreciate that? That is alot of goddam money right there! He thinks that I'm taking this lightly,WELL I SURE AS FUCK DONT THINK SO! I want to give him those grades. But how do you expect me to study 5 topics during NS? And then there's MATHS! YOU KNOW I'M A GODDAM SCREW-UP WHEN I STUDY MATHS,YET YOU STILL WANT ME TO STUDY IT DURING NS!
He and my aunt want me to retake my O's. I know,I know,the majority of students in Poly are O level grads. And yes,it is the best way if I want to end up there. But FUCK IT! I'm really so done with studying just to get some diploma. I'm just fed up of circling and circling.
I should clarify that my dad does'nt think I'm lazy doing a part time dip. He just thinks its the easy way out. Well let me just say this: Is studying during NS easy? Thats what I want to do,to save time and at least do something with my education while in NS. He has considered this option,but he STILL FEELS THAT O LEVELS ARE THE ONLY WAY TO A DIPLOMA!
I just dont know what to do. And honestly,fuck it. So what if I dont make it and dont get a diploma? Just fuck it.
Darmuis blogged at 9:17 PM
